My Immortal
by Queenbeth2
Summary: AU. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have saved the boy. But now Edward is my life's purpose and nobody is going to take him away from me, even if it means going against the most powerful coven in the world, or worse, going against my own belief.
1. Chapter 1

DC: I don't own it

Summary: AU. If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have saved the boy. I would have let him die. But my heart wouldn't let him go. Now Edward is my life's purpose and I will do whatever it takes to keep him safe, even if it means standing against the most powerful coven in the world.

Chapter 1,

I awoke under the rotten potatoes and immediately knew that I needed to move. The smell made my stomach turn. The strange thing was that I actually felt fine but I was so used to that reaction. The smell was disgusting. But enough about the smell, I needed to figure out what was going on. From what I could tell I was in deep trouble. I sat up and brushed dirt from my hair. The worst part of being blonde, in my opinion, was how well it showed dirt. My mother always knew when I was playing in the field again because no matter how much I dusted off she could always see bits of dirt or grit in my yellow hair. My angel hair, she called it.

I found myself wondering if she was okay. I wondered if she was in the kitchen making bread like always, or if she was up worrying about me. I wasn't home all night. Or at least I could only hope it was one night. The pain was so intense it felt like it went on forever. I knew it was sunset. It had been night when I was attacked so maybe it was only one day.

I twitched when I heard voices and stood up. Potatoes rolled all around the floor and some broke open, making the smell worse. I looked at myself to monitor the damage. I held my hand up to the small window and realized that it's light wasn't necessary for me. I could see things clearly in the shadows of the cellar. My skin looked unusually white. I knew what had happened but I wasn't able to accept it. I was Carlisle Cullen, my father was a respected pastor and I was a good god fearing man who lived a pure life. Well as pure as a human could be. Okay, yes, I did steal some apples from an orchard once when I was seven but I confessed my sins and made it up to the orchard master by doing field work for a day.

I put my hand on my shoulder and there was no blood. I could barely feel the bite either. I opened my mouth and felt my teeth. They seemed a bit straighter but nothing else was off.

"Oh no," I mumbled. I walked out of the pile of potatoes and I didn't stumble. That was odd. I wasn't very clumsy by nature, but even I would have stumbled over some potatoes. I stepped on one and broke it open though. The foul stench increased. I didn't feel disoriented but definitely confused. I had no idea what had really happened or how it happened. I just remembered sharp teeth digging into my shoulder and ripping out. I also remembered dragging through the paralysis to this shed and right after I had finished burrowing under the foul smelling vegetable it had fully set in.

I left the tiny potato pit and went out into the fresh air. The sun was just about to sink below the horizon and the beautiful velvet night was setting in. I felt light and airy. I could control my body with perfect ease. Not that I had much trouble before. I jumped up into a tree when I heard someone coming. I mean I didn't want to be seen like this! Pale, half naked (I would have to figure out what happened to my shirt later) and smelling like potatoes! Imagine if that got back to my parents!

I clung tight to the limb like I would have only a few days ago. I wasn't good with heights so I was startled to find that when I did look down I wasn't dizzy. I gasped when I saw it was Anne. My beautiful Anne, the girl I was betrothed to. I didn't feel my heart race though. Another sign that I wasn't human that I chose to ignore.

"Will anyone find us?" Anne asked as she was under the tree. I was shamefully delighted when I could see down her bodice.

"It's late, so I don't think so."

She was with Henry?! Really?! Why was she out so late with him?

"Besides, almost everybody is with the Cullen family."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Anne agreed. "His father seemed so broken hearted."

Well that was good to know. I always thought my cold father would be completely unaffected by my death. He would probably say I was going to heaven which was a reward. I looked back down at Anne in hopes that I could learn more about how my parents were reacting to my death. Seeing more of her cleavage wasn't bad either, much to my shame.

"Now that Carlisle has passed, you know what comes next."

Anne smiled. I loved her smile. I clutched the branch tighter and saw Henry touched her cheek. I bit my lip to keep from growling angrily. How dare he touch my beloved!

"Henry what if somebody sees?"

"Anne, my sweet, I would love to do more than kiss you."

More than kiss her! Meaning he had! My best friend had kissed my sweet Anne!

"But I am a respectable woman," Anne reminded him.

Clearly not!

"Besides, you are willing to marry me."

"It is being arranged as we speak," Henry promised. He pulled her hand gently and she came to him. She let him kiss her. I quietly watched the woman I loved kiss another man. I felt heavy. My cheek rested against the warm bark of the branch and I closed my eyes. I felt sad and alone in that moment. I knew that in my new state I wouldn't have been able to fulfill my promise to marry her, but I wanted her to at least give me some mourning time. But I could hear the gentle friction between their lips and it made my stomach twinge. She gave a soft moan and he held her tighter.

I wanted them to leave. I didn't want to know that she had been in love with him all this time. I could remember how my heart skipped a beat when I kissed her hand, or how her smile made me blush softly. I had even had an inappropriate dream about her! She had been wearing only a corset! That's how naughty it was! I had felt deep shame but it was something I enjoyed at the time.

I couldn't stand anymore. I stood up and realized that clinging to the branch was not only completely unnecessary as my balance was perfect, but had caused the wood to bend. Oops. Well I hope it falls and scares them.

Okay I don't. Sometimes I hated my nobility. I jumped off of the branch and ran as fast as I could away from the scene. I skidded to a stop when I got close to my home. I hid in another tree. This time I didn't clutch the branches. I perched on the branch and listened. I could hear my mother sobbing in the kitchen and in a rare moment of tenderness, my father was consoling her. I could see them through the window. Their faces were illuminated by a single candle. I could hear others scattered about the area talking about me. Mostly marveling my bravery against hell's minions. My mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her face in her handkerchief. My father was sitting in a chair beside her and he was holding her.

"It is God's will," he reminded her.

"But he was my son! My sweet child!"

I wanted to run to them.

"I only wish he could have heard all of the kind words spoken at his funeral."

I actually did too. Most of all I wished I could have heard if my father said anything. I heard him get up and in a rare domestic moment, he brought my mother her dinner. Apparently she hadn't eaten yet.

"Catherine eat now," he said, "you haven't eaten in days."

"I don't feel hungry."

"Eat. Now."

I wasn't surprised to hear my father order my mother around. He sure ordered me around a lot. I heard him walk into their bedroom and I saw him light the candle in the window. It lit up his old face and made his wrinkles stand out. He looked out at the stars and I sunk back into the tree. I pressed against the trunk like a scared child that had done something wrong and was about to be caught.

"I was always sure you would do what I couldn't as a servant of God," the old man said quietly. "you were never meant to be a physically strong man. You were always soft and sensitive."

...wow. Thank you father. I always strived for your love and affections and you throw it back in my dead face!

"The day you were born I fell to my knees and thanked the Lord for our miracle. We had lost so many children before you and so when you survived to manhood...Carlisle I was so proud of you. I loved you more than my own life my son."

I hugged my knees and buried my face in them. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go hug my mother and tell her I was alive...sort of. I wanted to tell my father that all I wanted to know was that he was proud of me.

The old man was crying. I could hear him and I felt sick to my stomach. I longed for my parents even though I was twenty three and a grown man. Even though I looked like a teenager on my best days. I took a breath and instantly regretted it. My throat erupted into flames and a powerful thirst ripped through me. Suddenly I was gripping the tree tight and trying to resist the urge to charge at the old man in the window and sink my teeth into his throat.

He was my father! I focused on that as I forced my legs to carry me away from my home. I focused on memories from my childhood. I remembered sitting in his lap as he read to me from the bible.

"So God gave his only begotten son...begotten son..." I chanted over and over again, trying hard to focus on the verse I knew so well. I prayed my strength would hold out. I kept running and came to the steep cliffs near the channel. I ran headlong off the cliff and fell into the dark waters below. I grunted when I landed on some rocks and instead of breaking my body into bits, the rock crumbled and I just sank into the water with them. I sank to the bottom of the sea and just stared blankly upwards.

So, I wasn't going to die. I should have been crushed into bits. I had been laying below the English Channel for a few minutes now and there wasn't the familiar pressure on my chest from holding my breath for a long time. So I didn't need to breathe therefore I would never drown or suffocate to death.

I wanted to get out of this. I didn't want to be a vampire. I wanted to go back to my life as a church serviceman. I closed my eyes and wanted to have this all be a dream. I wanted to wake up to the sound of my mother humming in the kitchen as she mixed batter for bread.

I came up from the water after swimming around. When I popped up I crawled up the side of the cliff and sat. Sunlight peeked out of the clouds after a few hours and a ray of light fell across my hands. I could feel it's warmth and I could see it's effect on me. My skin shone with an inhuman sparkle. I looked at my hand and turned it slowly. As it touched the light it sparkled brightly. I couldn't disguise myself like this. Damn.

Though London did have a habit of being rainy. I could live there under cloud cover. But then again my town was only a few hours walk away. I would probably run into too many friends and members of my family. I imagined what running into my parents would be like and it made me cringe. My father would declare me a specter or something like that and try to kill me while my mother cried. Nope. No London for me.

So what did that leave? France? I think not. I had been raised a good English man and therefore I turned my nose up at those silly Frenchmen. I had always wanted to travel though. Maybe to see what was beyond my village and London. I had been to Liverpool once but that was when I was very small. My father had traveled while I was a boy and I stayed behind with my mother. So this was my chance! At last! A silver lining to my situation! I could travel the world, see it for it's splendor, maybe write a log and then kill myself. Somehow. My body was physically indestructible it seemed but maybe without proper nourishment I would waste away! Yes! That's what I would do!

I stood up quickly an with a sense of purpose. I did flinch when I blinded myself with my own arms in the sunlight though. I wasn't used to the bright light as I had spent most of my morning hiding under the tree. So when I was used to that I began my voyage by jumping back into the water and swimming to France. Ick.

---

My plan had hit one small hinderance. I couldn't be around people. I had very nearly attacked a milk maid as she carried her pails into a barn as I passed. My throat was burning stronger now and my body needed blood. I could hear her heartbeat in my memory and the sound of the blood rushing through her veins.

Stop it Carlisle! You are a good Christian man and shouldn't think such things!

But it was rushing so perfectly! So, so warmly.

I shook my head violently to get rid of the thoughts. I would die soon and then I would face my judgement and maybe, if I was lucky, God would overlook this little mishap and see that I had made the right choice with my situation by not killing my fellow man.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice reminded me that they weren't my fellows anymore. I wasn't human anymore. I was something less than they were. I stopped by a brook and look at my reflection in the dark waters. The sun was gone and I should have been sleeping but I was wide awake. I realized I would never sleep again. I would never dream of Anne again. Though not that I would want to now, thinking about her betrayal made me feel queasy. A different kind of sick than I felt when I thought of my parents. For them I felt longing. I felt homesick. I felt betrayed and abandoned by the god I had worshiped my whole life. I wanted to feel a holy presence in my soul but I felt nothing. Were demons allowed to feel god's presence? Probably not. Why would I be forgiven anyhow? I had very nearly killed an innocent young woman just a short time ago!

I hit the stream with my fist and the water splashed up onto my face. It was warm against my skin even though it was late March and it should have been cold. I wondered what would fire feel like now with my body so cold? Would I melt? I saw my reflection. I saw the scarlet eyes of a monster looking back at me. I missed my eyes. My watery blue eyes that I inherited from my father. My hair was my mother's. I was the perfect combination of both of them.

I ran my hand through my hair and sat crouched by the stream for a long time, just looking at what I had become. I could smell blood again. This time my restraint snapped and I tore after it like a rabid beast. I ran so fast I could barely keep track of what was going by unnoticed. I had even passed some houses. I could smell fresh bread and a hearty stew. I felt sick for my mother again.

My body hit something warm and alive. My teeth sank deep into flesh and thick blood filled my mouth. The blood wasn't as sweet has the milk maid's had smelled. Before I could begin to chastise myself for killing a human being I realized that I wasn't drinking human blood at all. When I pulled my head back I saw what I had killed. Deer blood dribbled down my chin and I realized that the burning sensation in my throat was quieting down. I felt like I had just eaten a bowl of porridge. I didn't have the warm happy feeling that came from eating one of my mother's delicious meals, but I felt full. Or at least started to. I still felt very hungry so I attacked another deer, and then another. After four I felt so full I could burst. But I felt calmer and in control. I felt safer.

I laid on the ground looking up at the stars and realized something. I could survive on the blood of animals. I felt almost giddy at the thought of living without being a complete monster. If I could keep going this way I could find some solution to my eternal damnation and maybe redeem myself. If I could somehow do something for the greater good. Maybe use my super speed to save people from dying or something like that. Though that would lead to a lot of unwanted questions.

I could serve in war and never die.

But that would involve killing people which kind of negates the purpose.

I frowned up at the stars. Finding a purpose was hard. I had thought my purpose was to serve God but now that I was a demon that was sort of gone. After all, demons are supposed to burst into flames when in contact with a holy object and a church would probably be just as deadly to me. That was a frightening thought. I got up and ran to a barn. I grabbed a traveling cloak from a hook and put it over my shoulders. I put the hood up and left. It was starting to rain, I could hear the thunder beginning to roll and the lightning was sparking up in the clouds. There were so many new sounds I wasn't used to.

I walked through the countryside as the ran began to fall. It was peaceful and wonderful. I had always loved the rain. I felt it brought me closer to heaven in a way. I wanted to find others like me. I wanted to know how this happened. How does one become a vampire? I mean I got the biting part, but was blood exchanged? Was it some sort of fluid? It didn't make sense that it would just be biting. There just _had_ to be something more to it. I decided that's what I would do first. I would go find creatures like me.

---

I hadn't planned on finding Aro. I had stumbled into Volterra by mistake and I had been spotted by a young woman that frankly looked like a prostitute. She gave me a wink and I was ashamed to have reacted like a typical man. If I was human I would have blushed.

"Hello stranger," she said in a soft seductive voice, "my master would love to meet you."

She had deep burgundy eyes and pale skin. Her dark hair was swept back like most women. She was very beautiful, in an unnatural way. I knew she was like me though so I followed her into the massive...fortress? Castle? Hm. Well I followed her in and I was taken into a large circular room where three men waited.

Two of them had black hair. The one that stood in the middle had longish hair that he kept tied back with a ribbon. He wore a loose white shirt and black pants with riding boots. Like the woman who brought me in he was wearing an ash colored cloak with the hood down. He also had deep red eyes that gave me chills.

Beside him was another man with long black hair and red eyes. This one was dressed almost the same only he had a burgundy coat on with gold embroidered sleeves. He wasn't wearing a cloak. He also seemed a bit sad and distant. The third man had white hair and his eyes were a darker shade of red. He dressed a lot like the other two and he wore a cloak as well. He had a dark sinister feel about him that I couldn't understand. He seemed a bit more devious than the others while the middle man just seemed cheerful.

"Welcome to Volterra! My name is Aro and I lead this coven with my brothers, Marcus and Caius."

He indicated to each of his companions and they gave a nod at their name.

"I'm I'm Carlisle," I stammered. "F-from England."

"Carlisle from England," Aro repeated in a jolly tone, "what brings you to this fair city?"

"Well...I don't know really..."

I was sad to find that becoming a vampire hadn't cured my shyness like it had other qualities.

"You look thirsty," Aro said, "have you fed recently?"

"Well I had a rabbit this morning."

The brothers looked at each other and then began to laugh. "A rabbit?!" Caius repeated. "Were you trapped on a ship or something?"

"Well...no..."

"Then what on earth did you eat a rabbit for?" Marcus asked with laughter in his eyes. Glad I cheered him up at least.

"Oh, I don't like to drink from humans."

They went oddly silent. They didn't seem angry, just very confused. They looked at each other and then back at me. I felt incredibly self aware and tried not to fidget.

"You don't like to drink from humans?" Aro asked me finally.

I shook my head no. "I don't wish to feed on God's children."

"How old are you?" Aro asked me, coming closer.

"Twenty four."

"No, no, I mean how long have you been a vampire?"

"Oh," I hesitated. How long had it been? I hadn't taken much care in counting the dates. "About a year I think."

I was surprised when Aro reached one hand out. "May I?" he asked.

"May you what?" I asked back.

He just smiled and touched my face. He touched...my face. I jumped back in shock and he laughed.

"Be calm Carlisle I'm merely trying to understand you," Aro said. He was to me in a flash and his hand was on my cheek again. He had a very gentle touch. I could see thoughts rushing through his mind behind his eyes. He was curious about me. About as curious as I was about him. "How precious."

"What's precious?" I asked.

"You're such a sweet little country boy aren't you?"

Sweet? Little? Boy?! I hadn't even known this man for an hour and already he was making me a little angry!

"Our country bumpkin doesn't believe in killing," he said to his brothers. He was mocking me. "He stays away from cities when he can."

"H-how did you know that?" I asked shyly.

"I can see your memories," Aro explained, his hand leaving my cheek. He did pat me on the head however which made me frown. "You're still so young yet."

"I am not that young," I reminded him.

"I am nearly five hundred years old, Carlisle," Aro told me with a smirk, "you are a young thing to me."

I was in too much shock to really say anything! Five hundred years!? Was I going to be alive that long?!

"You can't be."

"Oh but I am," Aro said with a smile, "I have seen many things and I have learned more than you can possibly understand at such a tender age."

"Just because you are incredibly old doesn't mean I'm an ignorant child," I told him stiffly.

They just laughed again and Aro pat my head as if dismissing a child. I glared at him and he just smiled back.

"Sweet Carlisle you haven't yet grown into yourself."

Grown into myself? What?

"You hold your human values dear. I had too, once. But then I grew wise and became as I am."

He put his arm around my shoulders. The gesture was a bit too familiar for my taste. I also didn't like the condescending way about it. Sure he was obscenely old, but that didn't make me a fool.

"Why when I was human I was a noble young man."

"You, noble?" Caius asked.

"Believe it brothers! Believe it! I had believed in saving my virtue until I was wed."

"And I'm sure it was worth it," I said.

"Oh hell no," Aro sighed, "I wasn't married for a hundred or so years after I was changed and I'll have you know I have had sex with many women, humans and vampires alike."

"Then he got married and kept having sex with many women, human and vampires alike," Caius snickered.

I was appalled! Did he regularly fornicate with other women like Caius implied?! How disgusting!

"I also believed that human life was sacred."

"That was a long week," Caius snorted. Aro grinned back at him.

"Human life is sacred," I defended, "we...they...are god's children!"

Caius came up to me and folded his arms. There was something intimidating about him. He smelled of blood and I wondered how many poor souls he had destroyed.

"Are you a man of god, Carlisle?"

"Yes. My father is a pastor and I was to take his place."

"Oh Caius don't beat his faith out of him so soon," Marcus moaned, "do let him continue in his ignorance for a while!"

"It isn't ignorance!" I cried angrily.

"You'll stay with us," Aro decided, "You are very enjoyable."

"His views are sweet and innocent," Caius grinned, "I can't wait to corrupt him."

"What do you mean corrupt me? Why does it bother you so much?"

Caius just shrugged and patted my head. I hated when they did that.

---

I had spent several years with the Volturi before something happened to make me realize I could never be like them. It wasn't the human blood drinking that got to me. It was the sadistic nature about them. I realized it when I was walking with Caius and Aro on a cloudy afternoon. We walked along the beach talking about our human lives. Caius had been a gladiator, which explained his lust for violence I guess. Aro had been a nobleman's son. I also learned that he had a sister that had passed in her vampire life.

"I do miss my dear sister," Aro said sadly, "but she wouldn't want me to mourn her."

"Indeed," Caius agreed.

I wondered if I was getting the whole story there.

"I would love to get lost in her breasts before draining her," Caius sighed as he saw a young girl.

"Delicious," Aro agreed.

I didn't agree. I didn't like the way they looked at her, as if they were violating her with their eyes.

"Oh come on Carlisle, she's beautiful and can't you just hear her blood rushing? Look at that blush."

They led me into a seaside cave saying they had something to show me. While Aro and I examined the stones that were actually kinda cool in their colors, Caius went to get lunch.

"You hate being a vampire then?" Aro asked.

"I don't know how to feel about it," I admitted, sitting on one of the stones.

"You will absolutely love this," Caius was saying outside of the cave. I smelled human blood and stood. Caius came in with the human from before. Aro smiled and I cringed away.

"Oh, you have friends here," she said timidly. "I don't know about this."

"Well you don't have any power here," Caius said.

"C-Caius be realistic! You can't possibly do that here!"

"Don't be scared sweetie," Aro said coming up to her. He touched her cheek and she flinched away.

"Aro stop you're scaring her!"

"She has good reason to be scared," Caius chuckled, "the sweet human got the attention of three hungry vampires."

I could hear her scream bubble in her throat and so could the others. Caius covered her mouth with his fingers. I shuddered when I saw how he teased her lips and tongue with his fingers. She started to cry and Aro licked her tears.

"Come now Carlisle, we'll have her before we feed."

"You can't! Let her go!"

I jumped up and tugged on Aro's arm.

"This is happening no matter what," Caius said, annoyed, "you can either participate like a normal man would, or you can sit back and watch."

I fell into a silent shock. I realized how powerless I was against them. I kept trying to stop them by pulling them away but it was useless. Caius grabbed my collar and pushed me against the cave wall.

"Aro wanted to be nice and gentle with you, easing you into a vampire's way of life. He's had years of failure and now I'm doing what you need."

Caius grabbed her arm and cut her skin. I saw Aro's eyes flash as he continued to ravage the girl. Caius held my jaw angrily.

"Look you little girl, Aro and Marcus tried to bring you back to our natural ways nicely, but you are an embarrassment to our kind."

He pushed his blood soaked finger into my mouth and I tasted for the first time what they drank. It was sweet and delicious in all honesty, but I felt sick just tasting it. I could taste the girl's pain. I realize that that was impossible but it's how I felt.

"It tastes delicious, doesn't it?"

"I'll never willingly drink human blood," I promised in a deep growl. Caius laughed and pushed me to the ground. Then he and Aro both sank their teeth into the woman's soft flesh. I couldn't watch, but I could hear them. I felt myself regress to the child I had been when I was scared. I sat there and listened to them drink from an innocent girl. Her blood lingered on my tongue and I knew they wanted me to feed from her too. It was taking more control that I thought I had to resist. My throat was burning worse than ever.

They finished and Aro took her body to dispose of it. Caius just walked out of the cave and I was left behind with the smell of her body. I had hoped I could stay in Volterra for a while. Or rather, my desire to be with vampires like me made me want to stay. But this...this was too much. I couldn't be around these creatures! I wasn't like them! I wasn't! I was a vampire with a human trapped inside! I wasn't a monster!

"I'M NOT A MONSTER!" I screamed after them.

"Whoever said you were?" Aro asked, dusting his hands off.

"You're trying to make me into one!" I cried.

"It seems we just can't see eye to eye," Aro sighed sadly.

"I'm not going back with you."

"Suit yourself," Aro sighed again. He turned to leave but looked back at me. "I do hope our paths cross again."

"Don't hold your breath."

Aro shrugged. "It wouldn't matter anyway since I don't have to breathe."

That was the last I saw of him. I left quickly and I never went back to Volterra.

TBC

Next chapter we meet Edward! I don't know exactly what this story is going to be, I just know that it's going to be a wee dark. I've also always imagined Carlisle being _very_ naive and vulnerable as a young vampire.


	2. Chapter 2

DC: I don't own it

thanks to my reviewers

Chapter 2,

I had left Volterra as quickly as I could. Marcus caught up with me to wish me farewell. He told me it had been a pleasure to meet me and, like Aro, he hoped we would meet again. I left as humans came in to be killed for the hungry vampires. I broke into a run and wished I could cry and release the pressure in my chest. I could still taste her blood on my tongue. It burned my throat and made me feel ravenous. I didn't care what animal I could find, I just needed to soothe the ache before my resolve snapped.

And yet I felt my resolve was stronger than ever. I didn't want to be like them! I wouldn't be like them! I couldn't! To use humans like that...to abuse that girl like that...no I couldn't be like them. I wasn't violent and I wasn't a monster. I felt deep shame when I remembered the temptation I had felt when I smelled and tasted her blood.

I stumbled through the countryside as the sun set with that thought on my mind. I had been weak. So weak I had wanted her blood. I could never be weak again. I would become immune to the scent of blood. I would never crave human blood again.

Well...after time I wouldn't crave the blood of humans. That was my purpose in life. To rise above my curse and become somewhat human again.

---

My life changed again when I came back to the countryside of London. I learned that my parents had died years before and I couldn't be too surprised. After all my father was about my age when I was born and my mother was just a few years younger. Combined with the fact it had been nearly twenty odd years since I left.

I walked through town with my cloak on. Many of the people I had grown up with had died. I learned some interesting facts as I walked through the town I had once called home. I learned how my mother died in childbirth and I had a younger brother that survived named Arthur. I also learned that I had a niece named Abigail and nephew named Thomas. They were sweet looking children. My baby brother was my age now. Well, early twenties like I had been as a human. His wife was attractive I guess. I was disturbed and horrified to learn that his wife, Elizabeth, was the first born daughter of my former love, Anne and her husband Henry.

I didn't feel the same pain I had when I thought of Anne and her betrayal. I guess I had just gotten over it. I suppose you could survive heartbreak no matter how much it hurt. I had to admit I was happy to see my family so happy. That night I sat in a tree and watched my family. My brother led the meal's prayer. I could see them clearly from my shadows. Elizabeth looked just like Anne, maybe a little better. My niece, Abigail, had curly blonde hair that was kept back with a ribbon. Thomas had dark hair like his father. He looked to be a young man and had to be the eldest as his sister looked quite small. Her mother was helping her eat her bread and her soup.

"Father when am I going to meet her?"

"In time, Thomas, be patient. Have faith that I have chosen a good bride for you."

The young man smiled.

"Papa where will he go then?" Abigail asked.

"I won't go far Abby, I promise," Thomas said with a smile as he pat his little sister's head.

My nephew was ready to begin his life as a man. His eagerness was adorable. They looked like a good family and I was happy that they seemed peaceful. I began to feel a bit sad. I had always wanted to marry and start a family. I wanted to have moments like the one I was watching now. I hated moments like this. Moments when I realized what I had missed out on as a human. I had wanted a son to call my own. To teach and protect. Call me soft, but it was what I wanted.

"Ouch!"

I jerked from my thoughts about my wish for a family when I heard my niece yelp. I then smelled her blood. Time to go. I was proud that I could keep my head around fresh blood for a few moments, long enough to control my body to get away. I fled town and into the countryside where I could ease the burning sensation in my throat with a rabbit or some small animal. I wasn't necessarily hungry, but it was what I had to do to keep from losing my control.

"MAMA!"

I heard the child's scream before the scent of fresh blood hit me hard. I could hear flesh being torn and I felt my body reacting. The monster inside of me wanted the blood so badly. My throat was on fire and my control was slipping. I did a fair job of resisting human blood but my crutch was my reliance on animal blood to easy the ache while I struggled to build an immunity to the smell. I hadn't gotten any blood to soothe the ache from before, so it was so much harder to resist.

"NO! PLEASE DON'T!"

I began running. I could hear a child being grabbed and I came into a clearing to see a young woman lying dead on the ground, fully drained. There was a vampire with dark skin and long black hair in strange braids. He bit the child and I snapped. If I stopped him quickly enough the child wouldn't die and I could save him. I crashed into the vampire and the child flew out of his hands.

The vampire snarled at me.

"Leave," I growled.

He snarled again and tackled me. I fell back against the ground. We clawed and bit at each other and I felt him trying to rip off my arms and worse, my head. I remember Aro telling me that to kill a vampire you rip him apart and burn the pieces. That certainly seemed to be what he wanted to do to me. I could hear the child screaming in terror behind me. As far as I knew the vampire didn't have time to change him so the child was going to be fine. I couldn't worry about the child now. I had to focus on the angry vampire that was trying to kill me.

"You're just jealous I found them first," he accused in a thick accent.

"I have no interest in feeding on the child," I snarled back.

"Then why did you stop me?! Are you mad?!"

"You won't kill that child!"

I kicked him off of me and pushed him against a tree.

"Leave," I snarled.

"Fine. I'll just go find another one."

He pushed me back and then left. The kid was still crying and screaming. He must have been terrified. I turned and went to him. He was writing on the ground and I wondered why. I knelt down beside him and he screamed.

"STOP! PLEASE!"

"I won't hurt you," I promised, "it's going to be okay, I'll make sure you're taken care of!"

I didn't know how old the boy was. He wasn't a man by any means yet, but he wasn't a young boy. Maybe ten or so. He looked like he was suffering. His face was showing extreme pain and he was sweating profusely. When I touched his shoulder he looked at me with frightened green eyes. He gripped my arm and tried to find words to express his pain. I didn't know what to do besides hold him tight. He was gripping my arm tight, and crying. I cradled him and sang a lullaby as I rocked him. I pet his reddish brown hair softly as I tried to soothe him.

I carried him around with the hours that passed until I found an abandoned farmhouse. It was broken down and quite unlivable by human standards with several holes in the ceiling. I carried the boy and his mother's body into the house. Two days had passed and the child was calming down. I cleaned up his mother's body while in denial. I didn't need to see the child standing behind me to know what had happened. What I had caused.

"What happened?" he asked me.

I was silent. I cleaned the blood off of her neck. I heard his light footsteps and then the boy was next to me. I looked down at him and saw his face was hard and focused. He looked up at me with scarlet eyes.

"She's passed," I said, "we can lay her to rest near here."

"What killed her?"

His voice was firm and confident. There was a sense of entitlement behind it as well. Judging from the state of his clothing and his speech he was probably educated and from a wealthier family.

"The monster. You fought him off. What was he? I had never seen someone so dark dressed like that."

"Listen...young man."

"My name is Edward," he said, "Edward Masen."

"Carlisle," I mumbled. "Listen, Edward, something unexpected has happened."

"My mother died that is quite unexpected," Edward growled at me, "now I want answers and I want them NOW!"

What could I tell him? I didn't know how to phrase the words. He was going to have to accept that he was a vampire, that his mother was killed by vampires, that he will spend the rest of eternity on the cusp of manhood and worst of all it was because I hadn't saved him like I could have. Like I should have. But I had no idea how vampires were created! How could I have saved him if I didn't know what to do!

I could have let him die, but I wasn't going to admit that to myself.

"Edward you aren't among the living anymore."

"Stop talking nonsense."

I knelt down to be at eye level. I held his shoulders like my father did when he would tell me big news. Edward looked at me with angry red eyes.

"We are vampires. The man that killed your mother was a vampire as well. I don't know how he changed you..."

"You don't know how he changed me?" Edward repeated. "Just how old are you then?!"

"That isn't the point," I muttered, "listen, things are going to be different now."

"Different how? Can't you just take me back to my father?"

"No, Edward, I can't. You aren't human anymore. You'll kill him."

The boy seemed shocked by that. His eyes widened and he seemed to grit his teeth a bit.

"But...without them...who is gonna take care of me until I'm old enough? I'm only eleven."

I didn't answer him. That was a good question actually. Who was going to take care of him? He seemed suddenly saddened and walked away from me. He stood by the bed where I had laid his mother and touched her cold cheek. He crawled up and sat beside her, taking her arm and laying beside her. I watched him with a heavy heart. What could I do? He was most certainly a vampire now and I had most certainly messed up big time. He was forever trapped in that child's body even though his mind would continue to develop and grow. He looked so frail and innocent as he wept over his mother's body. I wasn't ready to be a vampire and I was twenty three! Over a decade older than he was! I had known things that he hadn't, like first love, the joy of my voice going an octave lower (okay half an octave), or the awkward horror of my erection in my sleep. Although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't miss the hour long sermon from my father the next morning when I made the mistake of going to him to find out what had happened. I still shuddered at the memory. I had never been told that my area had any other use besides urinating so to wake up and find it stiff like that...no wonder I was scared! So naturally the old man just told me how I was sinning by wasting my seed (which I had no idea I had at the time) and I had to ask God for forgiveness.

I hope he forgave me.

"I'm sure he did," Edward said. I looked over at him strangely.

"What?"

"You were wondering if God forgave you for an accident. I'm sure he did."

Wait. I didn't say that out loud.

"Yes you did I heard you!'

He's in my head!

"No I'm not that's impossible I couldn't possibly fit in your head."

I finally found the limitations of my new mind. I couldn't process the fact that I had stolen this boy's future somehow _and_ the fact that he was able to read my mind. I stood up and went to him. He sat up expectantly.

"Why is my throat burning?"

"I need to feed you," Carlisle said, "you'll drink blood from now on."

"I'm not a demon!" Edward protested. I lifted him up and set him on the floor.

"You are a vampire now," I said, "I'm sorry to say but it's true. I know it will take some time to get used to. Heck sometimes I still have trouble believing what I am."

"H-how long have you been like this?"

"Thirty years I think. I lose track sometimes."

Edward stood in thought for a moment. I could imagine what he was thinking about. If he was like me his life was flashing before his eyes and he was wondering what he was going to do next. Was he going to be like a regular vampire and kill humans or would he fight it? Could he grow to resist the scent of human blood like I was trying to? Speaking of blood...

Edward seemed to pick up the delicious scent in the air and he took off without knowing why he was running.

"EDWARD STOP!" I cried as I ran after him. He darted out of the window and I heard a scream that made me slow to a stop. I could see the child feeding on a grown man. I could hear his heart racing, making the blood flow stronger. He was struggling against the child and I just stood there. What could I do? Within moments the man would be dead. Either way Edward was going to suffer guilt and pain. I approached him and pulled him off of the body. He struggled and growled at me. He was territorial as most vampires were in a feeding frenzy.

"W-what happened? Carlisle why is he like that?"

"He's dead."

Edward looked at the body and then at me. He put his hand to his mouth and pulled it back. There was blood on his fingertips and he looked up at me. He silently begged me to tell him that he hadn't done it.

"It's easy for a newborn to lose themselves."

"B-but I...I didn't mean to..."

I carried him back inside and cleaned him. While Edward was washing his face I gathered the body and arranged him so he looked like he had been attacked by a wild animal. Tragic, yes, but it was what had to be done. I still had to bury Edward's mother. We would do that this afternoon. I went back and saw Edward was digging a grave for his mother in the back.

"Do I need to make one for him too?"

"No," Carlisle answered, "he will be found by the villagers nearby."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Edward," I told him. He looked down and went back to digging. To show him I wasn't angry with him I pat his head gently. I could hear him crying outside as he dug the grave. I didn't know who he was mourning at the moment, his mother or the traveler. I looked out the window at him. I would take care of him. I would show him how to live as I did. I would have to remember not to force my diet on him as Aro and Caius had done to me. In the end it would be his decision. But I would guide him as a guardian should. I would take care of him.

Edward carried his mother's body out and I felt as if I should have. But then again he seemed determined to do this on his own. I saw him disappear into the grave and then jump back out. I helped him bury her and then I gave the final prayer as my father taught me. We stood in silence for a while after that. Then Edward moved my hand and hugged me around the waist. He buried his face in my side and began to cry again. I held his head gently and stroked his hair to soothe him.

"H-how come you saved me only?"

I was wondering that as well. How did I save him from permanent death? In my time in Volterra I had never found out how vampires are created.

"So you don't know? How could you not know?"

This mind reading thing was going to get tricky. I often spent hours in my head mulling over anything and everything. It was going to be weird having Edward always know what I was thinking.

"Believe me, I don't want to know what you're thinking," Edward told me hotly. "But I demand an answer, Carlisle, how could you not know what would happen?"

"I never learned, Edward, I'm sorry."

"That isn't good enough!" Edward cried, grabbing my hand and holding it tight. He yanked on my arm, betraying his grown up words by showing the child he still was. It kinda hurt my shoulder. "I want to know why I'm condemned to hell!"

"I don't know alright! I. Don't. Know!"

I was yelling at a child. Perfect. That was just great, I was becoming my father! I looked into Edward's fierce eyes and he threw my arm back at me. He pushed me immaturely and ran off. I had no choice but to follow, but damn was he fast. Seriously for having such little legs the kid could really run. I figured some of it had to do with being a newborn. I would have to find the answers to these questions and the only person I could think to ask was Aro.

Ug.

I would have to find my answers elsewhere. I stumbled when I thought of the night in the cave. I hadn't thought about that night in a long time so the force of it brought me to a halt. I heard Edward stop running now that I wasn't chasing him, and he was actually coming back. I couldn't think much of him though. I kept thinking of the girl's face. Her dark hair and her frightened brown eyes. I could remember every vivd detail from the shape of her body to the way her blood looked as it rushed through her veins beneath her skin. I felt sick again. I had to get the taste of the memory out of my mouth. I snatched up a rabbit that made the mistake of hopping into my clearing. I actually liked the relief the animal's blood brought me.

"Who was she?"

I looked over at Edward who was sitting up in a tree. He looked like a cat the way he was perched. A spooked cat.

"A bad memory," I answered. "Nothing more."

He scowled at me and I knew he was just dying to know.

"Tell me."

"You're quite the brat aren't you?"

He kept scowling and when I approached him he shifted to start running.

"Alright," I shrugged, "suit yourself. But I warn you, being alone is miserable."

I turned and started walking toward the farmhouse. I heard Edward creeping through the trees after me. He didn't want to be alone anymore than I did. I hoped that his desire for companionship didn't lead him to Aro and his merry band of monsters. I had a vision of Edward then. He was in his child's body but his eyes told of his old age. He was dressed in the same fancy attire I had worn with them. Fine silks and satins that regal vampires preferred. He was sitting with Aro and Caius in the magnificent throne room. A human woman was half naked in Aro's arms. She was bleeding heavily from between her legs and she had bruises from the vampires gripping her too tight. She was silently begging Aro for mercy. Caius slit her wrist with a jeweled dagger and offered the blood to the small vampire. I felt the sick burning when Edward's small lips touched her wrist and he drank the blood. He was like them. He was a monst...

"Carlisle stop!" Edward cried loudly.

I jerked from my thoughts and looked at the frightened boy. I forgot that he could read my mind. He looked deeply upset and, forgetting that he was angry with me, he grabbed my hand.

"Don't think those thoughts!"

"I'm sorry for frightening you."

He did look genuinely upset and I was sincere in my apology. I knew he was going through a lot and his temper would get the best of him. I just didn't want him to leave me. Not only because I longed for a companion, but because I knew he did too. The last place he needed to go in search of company was Italy. He didn't need their influence in his life that was for sure. From my brief time with little Edward I could tell that he was a stubborn brat of a child, but he was also very sweet. Like any child I suppose.

"What if I can't do it?"

"Well we have years to perfect our immunities," I told him in my best optimistic tone. I knelt down and put my hands on his shoulders. "As long as you don't fall in with the Volturi I know you won't become a monster."

"But I already am, Carlisle. I killed someone."

I hugged him because I didn't know what to say to that and he looked like he was going to cry again. We were monsters because our nature demanded us to kill humans in order to survive. There was one loophole in that logic. Feeding on animals. I was going to exploit that loophole till the ends of the earth. I would ensure that Edward and I weren't monsters like the others.

"It's getting late," I said finally. I stood up and lifted him easily. I held him on my hip and he rested his head on my shoulder. I had unknowingly given him quite a fright and he had reverted back to the child he was.

"Carlisle? Will you always be with me?"

"For as long as you need me."

Edward smiled a little and seemed to feel comforted by the thought of always having someone to protect him and stay with him. Just as I did. Sooner or later I would have to face the Volturi and get answers to my questions. If I did finally go get the answers I needed Edward would most certainly stay behind. After all, I didn't need Aro trying to seduce him into that terrifying lifestyle like he had done to me.

Thunder cracked above us and I knew it was going to rain soon. I carried Edward home, a feat that I probably wouldn't have managed as a human. It began to rain as I came out of the forest. It was a cold rain that felt warm against my skin. Edward looked up at the sky and then at me.

"Can you let me down so I can splash in the puddles?" he asked me. "Since I can't get sick anymore?"

I let him down and he took off running. He looked happy. I figured that, much like my own mother, his loving mother had discouraged his playing in the rain. I felt happy watching him splash in the small puddles. I ran after him, enjoying the feel of the rain on my face. I watched him misstep on the muddy road and his foot slipped. He flipped and caught himself. I caught up to him and he smiled up at me. He was in a good mood for now. I was happy for that. I had been in a deep depression when I was a newborn.

While Edward played in the rain I went inside to get a fire started. Whoever abandoned this house didn't take anything with them. There were clothes left behind that were a bit big for Edward but they would have to do. I could adjust them if needed but I wanted him to have a bit more fun outside first. I was amazed that I could remember his measurements clearly so I didn't have to wait for him. I changed into the clothes that had belonged to the man of the house and found the mistress's sewing kit. I threaded a needle and started to hem the trousers for Edward's size. As I did I began humming. Surprisingly I was humming a hymn. As I worked I went from humming to singing softly in latin. I was barely aware of Edward coming in and shedding his wet clothes. There was a night gown he could borrow for the time being. He curled up on the rug by the fire to dry off and maybe warm up a little.

"When did you learn to sew?"

"My mother taught me some basics one winter when she was sick," I answered. "The rest I picked up from observation and years of practice."

"My mother used to mend our clothes at night," Edward said with a faint hint of sadness in his voice. "I miss her."

I understood how he felt on that note. I still missed my mother and her calm smile. I missed the smell of her cooking and the gentle songs she hummed as she sewed. I wished my brother could have met her. She would have loved him dearly. I did feel sorry for him that he grew up only with my father. A good man by social standards, but not the warmest of parental figures.

"Do you think my father misses me?"

"I haven't met him so I can't say," I answered calmly.

Edward got up and went to find something to do. He came back with a book and began reading it slowly. He put his fingers on it to help him focus on the line he was reading and it wasn't long before I saw his lips moving, silently mouthing the words. He was cute.

He gave me a pained look and I smiled.

"Well you are adorable."

"I'm a man. I'm not cute."

I just smiled and went back to work. I wanted things to stay like this. Calm, quiet and warm. Edward propped himself up on his elbows to read. I realized I needed a source of income, mainly to keep us entertained. I wanted to buy lots of books for Edward. Maybe one day we could live in a nice house like the wealthy people did. Just so long as he was safe from the vampires that gave humans reason to fear.

TBC

It took forever to find a good stopping point. I find that when I write Carlisle and Edward in a father son role it's calming. The story line is kinda experimental for me.


	3. Chapter 3

DC: I don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

Chapter 3,

We went by Edward's home town on the way to port. It had been years but he said it still looked the same. He left my side when he saw the church and ran back to the graves. I knew what he was looking for without asking. I put my hand on his shoulder as he stopped at one.

Edward Masen

Edward Masen II

Elizabeth Masen

It was a large stone that marked one grave and two empty ones. He had died the same year his as his wife and son.

"He wasn't sick," Edward said quietly, "not at all. He lost both of us at the same time...what if his heart just stopped?"

I lifted Edward up and hugged him. He hugged me tight around my neck and cried silently into my neck. I patted his back and let him cry his dry tears.

"What if he died because he missed us so much? Is that possible Carlisle?"

"No, not medically. But the brain is a powerful thing."

"Oh," Edward mumbled. He slipped out of my arms and left the graveyard in silence. I could only follow and hope that he was okay. I knew that his transformation was still fresh in his mind and he was no doubt thinking about his mother. He had a certain look when that happened. Usually his eyes would darken a bit and his lower lip would find its way between his teeth and he would nibble on it absentmindedly until the thoughts passed or he was distracted by something. He looked back at me. He smiled slightly and I patted his head as I usually did. "I'll be okay."

"I have faith in you," I replied.

He shifted his little bag over his shoulder and we carried on to the docks. We were playing a young widower and his son. Together Edward and I planned our back story. We admittedly had a bit of fun doing so. We kept our first names but we gave ourselves a new last name. We were from London and had been traveling around the countryside searching for a new home. Edward's mother, in our story, had passed from a terrible illness. I could already smell some rats on board which was a good sign. They were scurrying about the lower decks. Edward and I would have some meals on this trip. We went to our rooms and Edward crawled up onto his bunk.

"And who said you get top?" I asked.

"I did," he answered with a smile, "because I'm faster."

"Oh is that so?" I asked. Before he could react I snatched him and began to tickle him mercilessly. His laughter rang through the room. When he got away from me we were setting sail. He went to the tiny round window and peered out.

"Carlisle! Look! We're moving!"

"Have you ever sailed before Edward?" I asked as I unpacked a few belongings, props actually.

"Nope. Dad always said I would when I was older though. What do you think the new world is going to be like?"

"Well," I sighed sitting, "it's supposed to be well off. After all that's where the king is getting a lot of resources."

"What will you do there?" Edward asked, sitting beside me.

"I would like to try my hand at being a physician," I answered, "but if that doesn't work I suppose I could work as a clerk or something."

"What are you going to make me do?" Edward asked, wrinkling his nose because no doubt he knew the answer.

"Schooling of course," I answered with a smile. I ruffled his hair as he pouted and couldn't help but laugh. So this was what having a son was like. Edward scowled at me and clambered up to the top bunk.

"This one is mine."

"Oh come now Edward what kind of father would I be if I let you sleep up so high?" I asked with a sly smile.

"Not gonna buy it," Edward snorted, laying back and looking up at the ceiling. I folded my arms over the side of his bed and rested my chin on them. "Is our life always going to be so mundane?"

"Who can say," I shrugged, "I can't see the future."

Edward rolled onto his side and looked at me. "But you have been alive much longer than I have."

"Not that much longer," I defended, with really no point. Maybe it was because he called me old. "Think of it this way, we'll get to see the great changes in the world."

"What are the colonies gonna be like?" Edward asked.

"Probably a lot like London," I guessed. "Everyone there is from the England. I think there may be some others there."

Edward rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. "My father always talked of going to the new world."

I reached over and smoothed his unruly hair gently. It took me a while to make peace with my new life, I could only expect the same with Edward. He smiled at me and curled up like he was going to take a nap.

I watched him pretend to sleep while gently stroking his hair. I had made a mistake by taking away his humanity and giving him this immortal life. I couldn't bring myself to regret it fully though. I loved him like my own son.

"I love you too Carlisle," Edward mumbled softly.

---

We hit a snag on the way. A storm blew us off course. Edward and I watched it come in. His eyes were closed in mild irritation. He usually looked that way when the thoughts around him were becoming too overwhelming.

"Go to your happy place," I advised.

"You should write down those little nuggets of shit and sell them to the unintelligent humans so that they can better themselves mentally and physically."

I glanced over at him lazily. "Don't say shit."

He stood up and walked to the rail. He climbed up on the bottom rung and hung his arms over the wood.

"Seasick?" I asked.

"Good heavenly lord why do you insist on annoying me?!" Edward cried.

I chuckled and stood up. He was in a very bad mood and I didn't feel like teasing him any further. I left him alone with his thoughts. Lightning lit up the sky and thunder boomed. A warm rain began to fall. Well, warm for me. It was probably quite cold to the humans. It came down in a heavy pour that echoed off of the deck. The waves were getting rockier and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I looked up at the sky again. The stormy sky was angry. Waves tossed the boat around and the passengers screamed.

Lightning crackled in the clouds above me. I could hear the sounds it made every time but I barely understood what it was. I know I was now immortal and very little could kill me, but I was always a little afraid of lightning in storms. It sounded so angry. Ever since meeting a Roman vampire I couldn't look at storms the same way.

Now I don't normally lend my attention to the nonsense other cultures believe in. But during thunderstorms I always pictured an angry painting of a supposed god wielding a lightning bolt. Jupiter, the master of lightning and storms. On nights like this it was easy to believe that something up there was angry.

I watched the fire in the sky and listened to the panic around me. If felt the hair on my neck prickle and the noise was louder.

"EDWARD!" I called loudly. "EDWARD WHERE ARE YOU?"

Before I could hear him respond Jupiter came to earth in a powerful flash of light that dove into the bowls of the ship, narrowly missing me by a few inches. I could feel the heat from the light and it nearly blinded me. I fell back against the wood and I was sure my skin was going to melt off of my bones.

I tried to push myself up but I was in a daze. My mind was cloudy, my body was burning and my eyes were blinded. God was smiting me. It was finally happening. I was going to die. I deserved it after killing Edward. Or rather letting him continue this damned existence.

I could hear fire and screaming. I lost my footing on the soaking wood and what little progress I had made in escaping was lost. I was barely aware of hitting the water. It felt like ice on my burning skin. I opened my eyes but I was still partially blind from the light.

"Edward," I mumbled weakly. My head was still foggy. I was aware of the darkness of the sea and that was it. I could hear people drowning and struggling to keep their heads above the icy water. I sank towards the dark bottom. For the first time since becoming immortal I was afraid to die. Afraid to leave Edward alone.

My last thoughts were of the boy who had become my son.

---

I was warm. Comfortable. I sat up quickly and looked around. I could see again, that much was certain. I was in a beautiful room that I recognized. I had been there before.

"Welcome back," Marcus said with a smile.

"How is this possible?" I asked quietly, getting out of bed.

"You washed up on shore an hour ago. Aro will be quite pleased to see you again."

"I don't care to see him," I grumbled. "Where are my clothes?"

"Your rags are probably burning my dear," Marcus answered, "we gave you new clothes so that you look respectable."

"How in the name of the lord did I get here?" I demanded. "I was headed for the Americas!"

"Ships get blown off course all the time," Marcus said with a dark smile. Something clicked in my mind. I had never fed with the Volturi but it occurred to me that they couldn't feed on locals without raising suspicions.

"You..." I began slowly.

"You do catch on," Marcus praised. He had a condescending smirk and regarded me as if I were a child. Okay, compared to him I was, but still...I was a grown man for crying out loud! Twenty three! Hardly a child!

I wondered if this was how Edward felt sometimes.

"We didn't get a lot of blood," Marcus said sadly, "guess Heidi will have to go fishing for us."

"Any survivors at all?" I asked.

"Some," Marcus sighed, "a few humans. Changed your mind have you?"

"No, of course not. Nearly a century and not a drop of human blood," I said proudly. I tried not to be too proud though, it was a sin after all and god had already tried to smite me. "Forgive me lord for my pride," I mumbled quickly.

"Still on with that god fellow eh?" Marcus asked, standing. "Come, Aro will want to see you."

He left before I could ask about Edward. I followed him down the marble hallway into a large round room. Aro spotted me and turned towards me with his arms outstretched.

"Dear friend," he boomed happily, "I am delighted to see you again."

He came and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I suppose it was an Italian custom but I found it odd.

"Care to say why you washed up on our shores?" Aro asked.

"I was on a ship bound for the Americas," I answered.

"Where have you been?" He asked me. "Come! We'll have some blood."

"I'll pass," I said holding up my hand, "but thank you for your gracious offer."

"Still sucking the blood out of bunnies?" Caius asked me. His voice was the same as Marcus'. I hated the twisted smirk he always seemed to have. He held out his hand and a human girl came. She was wearing a corset and underskirts. That was it. Her breasts were pressed up, practically to her chin, and Caius took her hand to draw her close. "Still a virgin too no doubt?"

"Again," I said stiffly, "not married."

"Right, right," he sighed, "Carlisle you'll find that once you let go of this god you fear, you are unlimited. Taste the pleasures of the flesh."

"I respectfully decline," I said, bowing my head slightly.

"More for me I suppose," he sighed.

One thing about vampires. They have no modesty. I had forgotten that until the girl with the raven hair and Italian skin knelt down and began to...do things to Caius. A pleasurable smile graced his lips and he stroked her hair lazily.

"Brother you forget our dear little Carly is innocent and fragile," Marcus purred, patting my cheek.

Oh my god these three brothers were going to drive me mad. But I needed their help. I also needed answers to long standing questions.

"You seem anxious," Aro observed. "Speak."

"I have some questions," I said with a bit of difficulty. "About vampires."

"You're nervous now," Aro said with a soft smile, "perhaps you wish to turn a human into your mate?"

"Just curious is all."

Aro came up to me and I unconsciously began moving away from him. After all the last time we were together I watched them do horrible things to a young woman. Aro moved quicker and before I knew it I was against the wall. Aro was practically pressed against me. His deep red eyes probed mine.

"Have you been naughty Carlisle?" he whispered softly. I could feel his breath on my skin. That alone was more than too much.

"No," I mumbled, "I haven't revealed myself to any humans, which is more than I can say for you."

The last part was something I really wish I could take back. Oh sweet Jesus and god in heaven I wish I could take it back. Aro's eyes flashed angrily and his fingertips caressed the fine silk collar around my neck.

"They never live," he purred, "sweet girls with sweeter blood."

"I'm a tad uncomfortable with how close you are."

"How do I put this delicately," Aro whispered. His brothers were closer now. The young girl was laying on the floor, most likely dead. "You are nervous about something and I recommend you tell me."

I was nervous. They couldn't find out about Edward. If the boy was alive that is...my heart sank. My son...Edward...could be dead for all I knew. But if he was alive they would want him. I couldn't let these monsters corrupt my sweet Edward.

Aro's slender fingers caressed my throat and then I could see his eyes flash. The memory he brought up was Edward and myself playing in the rain. Edward was splashing around and laughing. I ran to him, caught him in my arms and hugged him. We laughed together as we toppled to the grass below. Edward leapt on me and we rolled around, pretending to fight. It ended with me pinning him with my knees and tickling him.

"C-Carlisle! S-stop!" Edward cried through his laughter. I did and ruffled his hair.

"Come on son," I smiled, standing and pulling him up.

Aro's eyes looked dangerous and they snapped me out of the memory.

"Perhaps you should have asked your questions earlier," he growled.

"He's dead," I said quickly.

"You aren't so sure. Remember Carlisle, I can see every thought. You're worrying for him right now."

"How old is the child?" Marcus asked.

"Does that matter?" Caius asked with a dark smirk. He never liked me. "Our dear country bumpkin has created an immortal child."

"Immortal what?!"

"A vampire child," Aro answered darkly, "little control and childish nature."

"Edward isn't like that," I assured him.

Aro sighed and pulled away from me. He stepped closer to his brothers and turned to them. They spoke to each other in quick quiet tones that I couldn't pick up. I wanted to run for it. But to what?

I didn't know if Edward was alive or not.

"Carlisle," Aro said calmly, turning to me. "Your ignorance and innocence has saved you."

"From what?!" I cried. "I just want some answers!"

"Answers?" Caius barked. "I'll give you answers! It is against our laws to change a child and you have done just that. You risk mass chaos. The last immortal child destroyed an entire town before we killed it!"

"Peace, brother," Aro said, holding up his hand. "Carlisle this is a grave situation. Your little vampire is a danger to our people. We don't want to be exposed now do we."

"Please listen to me," I said quickly. I was nervous and shaking. "Edward is eleven. He has lived with me for some time now. I watch him carefully. I protect him from danger and being a danger."

"Even still..." Aro began.

"HE'S MY SON!" I screamed.

"AND HE WILL BURN AND BE THANKFUL YOU WON'T BE BESIDE HIM!" Aro screamed back.

I ran at him but I was snagged by four stony arms.

"Search the coasts," Aro ordered, "search for a young vampire with red hair and golden or black eyes. Answers to Edward."

"Yes, sir," the vampires said.

"Bring him to me alive."

"ARO HE ISN'T DANGEROUS!" I protested in a loud scream.

"Carlisle if you continue to make a scene I shall have you removed. You have broken a law and you must be punished for it."

"Your punishment," Caius said with a twisted smirk, "will be to watch your immortal child burn."

I was released and I crumpled to the ground. Aro and his brothers went back to their activities. Caius lounged lazily on a padded sofa and resumed playing with his human girl. Marcus was reading a thick book and Aro sat at a chess board.

"A game perhaps, Carlisle?"

I barely heard him.

"Carlisle you will either play chess with me or you will enjoy dinner with me."

I got up and slumped in the wooden chair on the other side of the marble board. My body was numb.

"Cheer up. You get to live."

"He's my son," I said quietly, "since a wild vampire bit him I have taken care of him. I love him dearly."

"I don't care," Aro said, taking my rook with his knight. "Carlisle you are a dear friend and you will learn that we vampires are easily distracted."

"I will hate you forever for this," I promised.

"I don't really care. Here's a secret Carlisle," Aro murmured, taking my queen with his, "there's something fascinating about you and I know you are fascinated by me. You will get over it."

I hated him with my whole being in that moment. The sinking sensation I had been feeling in my stomach had flared from a tickle to heavy pain. If Edward was alive...he was going to be killed. I wanted him to be alive. The thought of him dying alone in the ocean made me feel sick and cold, but I couldn't watch Aro kill him.

So I hoped my little vampire was dead. My immortal child, as Aro called him. I hoped he would never have to see my face as Aro killed him. He would see my resolve snap and they would kill me too because they would have to stop me somehow.

"Check," Aro said lazily, as his queen loomed over my king.

I knocked my king over and it clicked against the marble as it rolled into a pawn.

TBC

Short I know but it seemed like a good stopping place. I'm currently in between internets which BLOWS!!!


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